Just a Guy in Space
“AI has finished compiling the xenos’ language. We can now interrogate him,” Lashqran reported.
“Good. Perhaps we can get more concrete answers,” Echina replied. “Xar’usk, I’m surprised you’ve stopped telling us what a hoax the data from that probe is. What changed your opinion?” She had spent enough time around him to notice the slight tremble of his lower mandibles, a sure indicator of excitement amongst the Kmigar.
Xar’usk was positively giddy with enthusiasm at the idea of learning more about the xenos. “I’ve been going through the biometric data Lieutenant Nubo provided us. The xenos is a superb specimen. If that planet really is a category thirteen, then it explains perfectly how it evolved.”
Now she was curious too. Xar’usk was only ever this delighted for two reasons: mating or killing. “What does the biometric data tell us?” He had passed his yearly mating cycle, so he was probably thinking of bloodshed.
“It’s a predator.” Xar’usk clicked his mandibles in delight. “It has high density bones made of a compressed crystal compound, probably due to the high gravity of its home planet. It should be stronger than even an Agaraxian too, in theory.”
“What! That can’t be. We’ve evolved to be supreme examples of physical fitness and conditioning! There are few if any species out there that can match us or come close to it,” Lashqran replied, quite belligerently.
Xar’usk sighed. “What an eye-opening display of xenophobia, Lieutenant. I really can’t see why you’ve yet again been denied a promotion to Commander.” Lashqran visibly bristled and was about to rush into another xenophobic rant when Xar’usk interrupted him. “As I was saying, physically it is stronger than an Agaraxian. It has a tremendous amount of muscle fibers bundled together, with an incremental amount of fibers being recruited as physical activity escalates. Its nervous system is quite marvellous too. Reaction times should be within the one second range and the nerve fibers allow for fine motor control that most non-combat-inclined Council species lack.” Xar’usk was oblivious to the wary look Echina shared with Lashqran.
“It houses within itself a multitude of microorganisms that quite frankly could kill, disable or cause a pandemic among many Council species. We’re lucky the initial warp didn’t beam in the organisms on its skin. It’s currently being contained within the medical bay but we need a long term solution to that if we intend on keeping it. What else, what else?” Xar’usk pondered, mandibles subconsciously rubbing against one another in contemplation.
“Why do you say it’s a predator? It doesn’t look particularly dangerous,” Lashqran said. “In fact, I can say with certitude I, or indeed any Agaraxian, could defeat it in combat.”
“You can say that because you are stupid and think with your reproductive organs, not your brain,” Xar’usk snapped, getting tired of Lashqran’s endless snide comments.
Echina had to step in to stop the two of them from murdering each other on duty. “Gentlebeings, please, focus on the task at hand. Again, why do you say it’s a predator?”
“It should be obvious; superior musculature, hyper-dense bones that are most likely resistant to breaks, fast reactions with a wide range of motions and most important of all, front-facing binocular vision. Those are hunter eyes. Plus it has fangs in its mouth.”
Xar’usk stopped his passionate speech, staring at the viewscreen showing the xenos in the medical bay. His mandibles shuddered occasionally with restless energy. He was probably going to request something ridiculous like wanting to duel the xenos at any point now.
“Captain, I want to dissect it.”
A duel would have been better.
“Not you too,” Echina moaned. Everyone in the science department is insane. “As I told Lieutenant Nubo, there’ll be no dissecting any time soon.”
* * *
“So you’re saying every hyooman must mast her bait in order to control their mating urges?”
“Yes. It’s masturbate, by the way. It provides an easy release from pheromone build ups and allows us humans greater clarity of thought once accomplished. For a moment after masturbation, we experience higher focus and freedom from worldly desires. The best decisions are made after masturbation.”
Sil Nubo oohed and aahed at the bullshit he was spewing. Sorry catgirl, I gotta lay the ground works. Gus didn’t particularly feel bad about deceiving the bubbly catpersonthing (he completely forgot what her race was called). If he had to lie to have a chance of getting laid, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Hey, don’t judge, he’d soon turn into a wizard at this rate.
“Do the female of your species do this as well?” Sil enquired. Thought she was sitting a fair distance away from the forcefield, her entire body was leaning towards him, her cute triangular ears perked up and leaning towards him. The short delay between speech and translation didn’t bother either of them.
“The females sometimes masturbate more than the males of our species but frequency largely depends on the person. Is it the same for your species?” Gus wouldn’t let this perfect “learning opportunity” pass. “How do you control your mating urges?”
Sil actually blushed, her tail curling up along her leg.
How interesting, they’re surprisingly similar to humans.
“The Dinpth have a regular mating cycle. We experience increased blow flow to the reproductive organs, increased sensitivity, loss of consciousness sometimes, decreased cognitive function and often feel increased attraction to males of our species.”
The reason she was exposing such salacious details wasn’t because she got off on shame play or some such thing; Gus had coerced her (in the interest of science, of course) to answer any of his questions truthfully and he would reveal as much as he knew regarding anything she’d ask of him in return. Of course, he was giving her the highly redacted version but she didn’t really need to know that.
“So you basically go into heat? Is that true for any uh, any Dinps?”
“We do not!” Indignation coloured Sil’s usually enthusiastic voice. “We’re not animals, we’re sapiants, same as you and we can control ourselves, thank you very much!” Her tail was lashing a steady rhythm left and right with her fur bristling all over. He’d better tone it down or she might ignore the forcefield and pounce on him or something.
“Sorry, sorry, I don’t really know much about alien physiology. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Gus shamelessly answered, playing the ignorant human card.
Sil crossed her arms, huffing, before giving in and leaning in towards him once more. “You know, you present very high similarity to Agaraxian physiology. Do you have common ancestry?”
“Agaraxian? You mean the greenmen? Nah, I don’t think so. According to the scientific research we have back on earth, life as we know it on our planet was a fluke. Something completely unexpected happened in the primordial muck and poof! Life emerged,” Gus said, gesturing wildly. Sil Nubo was entranced, staring at him with mouth agape. “It’s theorised that it started as life in water, then evolved to amphibious life and finally one day we got to the Homo sapiens sapiens. That’s us by the way. Let’s go back to mating rituals. How to Dinps signal sexual interest in each other?”
“Sexual interest?” Sil tilted her head like a cute child.
“Yes, if you want to copulate, what signal do you give to each other?”
“We… don’t? Copulation only occurs during the mating cycle and at that time, no such signal is necessary.”
“So you don’t… you know… have sex for fun?”
Sil’s eyes widened in shock. “What?! For… fun?” She frowned. “Is that even possible? That’s very Un-Dinpth-like behaviour. Do humans copulate for fun?”
Gus wondered how to answer that. This could make or break their relationship. He decided to gamble. “Yeah, humans can copulate either for reproductive purposes but they often do so for fun as well. It’s not very common on Earth but it’s not completely unheard of. It helps us establish close bonds in our uh… our packs. It’s a survival trait. You know… the closer you are, the more invested you are in the survival of your packmates.” Gus was furiously channelling the might of Bullshittus the god of All Essays and praying to Ditzittus, patron saint of all airheads.
Sil seemed to buy it. If she didn’t, he could always tell her about bonobos. She’d love it. Ever since she’d seen his “mating ritual”, she’d been engrossed in human rituals, mating and otherwise. He turned that to his advantage, easing her into talking about her own sexuality. “Say Sil, have you mated before?”
She blushed crimson, tail suddenly shooting straight up, ears straight on her head. “I-I-I don’t want to talk about it,” she stammered.
Oh, that’s interesting. “That won’t do Sil. You promised you’d answer any of my questions truthfully,” he said. She fidgeted as he leered at her. Her smallish B-cups (or were they C-cups? He really couldn’t tell) were swaying seductively in front of him. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll just stop answering your questions too,” he said, turning away from her.
He didn’t have to look to see her crestfallen expression. She was visibly struggling with herself before she answered.
“I… I haven’t mated before…” She squeaked.
She was still blushing furiously. “I spent a lot of time exploring the wilderness of my home planet. Somehow I was always alone during my mating cycles. But it’s ok, I know what to do if I ever have to mate!” She stood up, pumping her fist. “Mother taught me everything she knows to prepare me for my future mate!”
“What’s the Dinp opinion on polygamy by the way?” He’d much rather have a harem than a single girlfriend if he could help it. “Do they allow it? Are they against? What about other species in your alliance?”
“It’s called the New Galactic Coalition of Sonder, or the Council for short. While there are some species in the Council that are specifically polygamous, the Dintphs stay with a specific mating partner only for the duration of the mating contract. This means that some can have multiple partners over their lifetime or can settle with the same mate for a long time.”
So having multiple partners isn’t a taboo for her. I wonder if that applies to having female partners too. He grinned widely at the thought of ploughing her and other aliens girls senseless. Getting kidnapped isn’t such a bad thing after all.
“Why do you keep doing that? Showing your teeth? I don’t think it’s a threat display, so what does it mean?”
“That’s a smile. Or a grin. It can express many things, but in this case, it’s an expression of joy. Humans can smile while showing their teeth or not. It depends entirely on the person.”
“Is it an independent reaction?”
“Like your tail? In most cases it is independent but we can smile on command.”
“Fascinating. If you can execute visual cues on command you must be very social creatures.”
“Indeed. Hey you know what? Once this field goes down and your captain lets me go, we should meet to discuss these differing social and mating rituals in more details. You know, all in the pursuit of science, of course.”
She thought about it for a minute but scientific curiosity killed the cat (ehehe) and she finally nodded.
This is so much fun. A virgin, airhead, space catgirl who wants to discuss human sexual practices. Did I just hit the jackpot?