“It was… none other than…” You continue.
“Can you get on with this!” Mulan cries. “We feel like we’ve been waiting for days!’
“Yes… that’s because the person who did this was Steve!”
“Yes!” A mysterious cloaked person hiding among the harem threw off their outfit. “It is I! Steve!”
“No! Not Steve!” Mushu cries. “Wait… who is Steve?”
Mulan sighs. “Oh, you know… that one who was on the airship with us just before we were attacked my harpys. Had a family. Shot with an arrow. Fell to his death.”
“I legitimately have no clue what you’re talking about,” Mushu admits while all the other girls nod, confirming their own confusion.
“What are you all talking about? He’s the one who warned us about the attack! He has a wood leg, a beard, scar on his eye covered with an eyepatch?”
“We can see what he looks like…” Grimhilde gives a wry look.
“He has a family! His wife is probably selling her body to makes ends meet? Master offered him a raise. You all know him! Why is everyone looking at me that way? Why don’t you believe me?” Mulan cries.
“What’s important, sister is that you believe you…” Mushu pats her head.
“Forget that,” You sigh. “Let’s all just agree this is Mulan’s friend and move on.”
“Pun damn it, you guys.”
You decide to ignore the pouting dragon loli. “What I want to know is why did you come all of this way to obtain revenge!”
“Ai… that is a complicated story. After falling to my death, I seemed to have been brought back to life when there was a rainfall of magical cum.”
“That was when he blew up my predecessor,” Giselle explains.
“We don’t know that…” You defend. “We hear about raining cum that may or may not bring people back from the dead and assume that it’s mine?”
The girls all give you flat looks and you finally sigh.
“Anyway, after I was brought back to life, I began to reconsider things.” Steve continues. “And then I decided… why not be evil?”
“S-seriously?” Grimhilde demands. “That was your entire thought process?”
“Actually, as it turns out when you bring someone back to life using magical cum, there is a 0.01% chance that person will come back evil. This is a well-known phenomenon.” Medusa explains.
“That holds up to scrutiny.” Grimhilde nods, scratching her chin.
“Does it though?” Ursula asks, “It seems to me you’re just making shit up?”
“And how many people has Ursula brought back from the dead using magical cum? Huh?” Medusa shoots Ursula a glare.
“Exactly. 0.01% That’s a statistic. That means it’s true.”
“Therefore…” You interrupt the pair. “That would mean the case is closed. It was Steve. All questions answered… no more problems. Let’s…”
“Wait for a second!” Mulan declares, causing you to sigh again. “You got the poison by having sex! You didn’t have sex with Steve, did you?”
All the girl’s eyes turn to you. “Did you?”
“What are you implying?” You glare at all the women. “Wait, poison? OH! Oh… you’re talking about the poison that caused me to lose my body… I was talking about a completely different poison…”
“What? There were other poisons? What poison did Steve give you?”
“Oh, hoh… you don’t even want to know the poison I gave him… hehehehe! I’m evil now, by the way.”
“Yeah, we heard you! However, we want to know who in the harem betrayed the hero!” Aurora demands. “Please, hero-san, please tell us which woman is the traitor!”
“Ah… well… the person who betrayed me, the person who used sex as a weapon and forced my soul to separate from my body is…”
“Well… we’re waiting…”
“I don’t know.” You finally admit.
All of the girls collapse, but it’s Ursula who shouts. “Stop screwing with us, damn it! What do you mean you don’t know!”
“Well… it’s not like I didn’t use magic! The problem was… the results were confusing. Here… I’ll show you how. I’m casting a spell on all of you right now. Therefore… the next question I ask, you will be compelled to answer it truthfully!” You wave your hand. “Therefore, answer my question. You who have poisoned me in the last twenty-four hours, raise your hand and admit your guilt!”
A moment later, every harem member raises her hand. Some of them try to fight but are unable to resist. Others raise it with a sigh as they raise their hands.
Ursula looks around in shock. “All of you? Every one of you have betrayed the prince?”
“Shut up Ursula, your hand is raised too!” Grimhilde snaps.
“Ah! It’s up! But the only thing I slipped into his food was… oops!” Ursula covers her mouth.
“Hmm… all these woman betraying hero!” Ariel growls.
You look over at your arm, Ariel’s arm, which is also up in the air.
“Et tu, Ariel?”
“All I did was slip in aphrodisiac!”